Lilith's Diary

[Lilith]

Wrath....that's what they've started to called me.  But I hadn't always been this way.  

At one point, maybe when I was very little I thought I could charm my way into my grandmother's heart.  I'd try to be cute and blink my eyes in such a way that no one could resist.  I didn't really believe she could have put a curse that meant I wouldn't get what every other firstborn daughter in generations of witch's had gotten.  I knew she had been angry at my mother, but what had I ever done to her?

Kisaiya doesn't care, she dives into books, devours 'em like a hungry wolf.  Joshua is busy learning how to be a man, what does he care about magic?  And the little ones may as well be magic for all their belief in fairy tales, plus the twins having that fairy magic.....magic that should have been mine.  Two tiny babies have more magic at their fingertips than I'll ever see the likes of.

And that was when I flipped the switch.  I turned into an angry ball of hatred because of that woman.  I had a healthy amount of respect for what she could do to me though, so I kept a level head.  But I couldn't bring myself to be at home anymore.  My anger would have made me hurt the ones I loved.  And no matter how much I hated the circumstances, a protector I would always be, even if it meant protection from myself.

For 2 long years, since I was 16, I've lived in the woods near the castle.  I watched my siblings play from a distance, I would hike up to the tops of cliffs to look down and see visitors arriving at a ball or some other grand celebration.  But I never came back.  Sometimes I left little presents for them, some rare herbs at the witch tower door for my mother, a rabbit or some other small animal left for my dad.  Occasionally small seashells, bunches of wildflowers or an interesting shaped piece of wood for the little ones.  Once I even found a book of mermaids that I snitched from a merchant passing through town for Kisaiya.  I'm sure they saw traces of me, but I was still too angry to return.

That is until the night I met Exu.

I was walking back from the castle after leaving some little gifts and there he was, with a book in his hand!  At first, I went to take it from him, I recognized it immediately as a treasured book my sisters often asked to be read to them and knew that a scruffy boy who smelled of sweat and horses had no business touching such a thing.  But he held his hands up to me, swore my mother had allowed him to have it.  I shook my head slowly, my mother.  And how did he know who I was?

Well, to be fair I never even gave him a chance.  I slugged him right in the stomach and took the book and went to march it right back up to the castle.  I didn't care how long I had been gone, it made me so angry that he had the nerve to tell such a lie that I wanted intended to go right back in and tell them how their lowly new stable hand apprentice was also a book thief.

But then I saw it, the proof.  It was....a seal of some sort a raven, it immediately let me know that my mother had indeed allowed him to.  And I stopped short of slamming my fist into his chest and looked him full in the eye and demanded the entire tale.  And a tale he did tell.  I could tell he left some bits out, bits I really wanted to hear, but he explained to me that my mother had befriended him, and I believed him because I knew her.  

We talked for hours.  We talked so long that the sun was coming up and I asked him, didn't he have chores to do soon?  I walked with him to the stables, helped him do his chores.  He stared at me when I didn't give a shit about scooping muck from stalls and brushing down the horses.  I laughed it off like it was nothing,  We talked about so much and yet not a lot all at the same time.  We were both leaving out the important bits and it didn't matter, becasuse it seemed like every moment we knew each other better.

At sundown, we both were exhausted, and I followed him into his little room, intending to just say goodnight.  But we were both so tired that it ended in me falling asleep next to him on his little cot.   And it's been that way ever since.  People talk about me staying here, my parents surely know by now, but I don't say anything.

I've always gone my own way.

Ever since they called me wrath.